Freedom, Singing, Hugs and Stares!!

...continued from previous blog about inpatient hospitalization.

                          I'M GOING HOME!

The day of my discharge was much anticipated after being confined and regulated for 32 days. I received ALL of my belongings back, including the ones confiscated and I also got my cell phone back after not having it at all. One of the Behavioral Health Techs drove me to the Orlando airport and dropped me off at the terminal. The freedom I felt was indescribable. Every perk that the airport provided was so appreciated. I walked on my own. I bought or carried anything I wanted, I sat where I wanted, I ate what I wanted, I called who I wanted, I read my phone, and excitedly I HAD MY MUSIC BACK. I had shared in an earlier blog that I underestimated how much I would miss my music. Only MP3 players were allowed while inpatient and I didn't bring one. Christian music was everything to me. I usually got ready to it, showered to it, drove to it, exercised to it, etc. Lauren Daigle's song, "Thank God I do" had come out a few weeks before I was admitted. I LOVED that song and my sister and I had heard her debut it in New Orleans at her Christmas Concert. As soon as she started singing the chorus at her Christmas concert, I had chills and felt so moved by the lyrics. From that time on, I counted down the days to the release date for it on iTunes and KLOVE in March. 

I made my way to my gate in Orlando with about an hour to spare before my flight left. I put my air pods in my ears for the first time in a month and cranked up, "Thank God I do". I was sitting in an airport  chair with others around me with the biggest smile on my face. I also had tears in my eyes and might have sung and put my arms out a little too. The lyrics were powerful and meant so much to me. 

Thank God I Do! That's all I could think. 

 How in the world could I have gotten through this experience without knowing Jesus. 

Thank God He held me in His hands. I would have fallen off the edge! Who would I be? He is my anchor and my oxygen. He is my shelter and my saving grace!!
People looked at me a little funny while I was crying and singing but I certainly didn't care. One big thing I learned while in the hospital is that most people care too much about silly things. I certainly did before arriving there. If you have clothes, a home, and food - you are doing amazing. The little things are big! If your clothes don't match or aren't in style but they are clean, then you are winning. Who cares!! If a woman is singing softly in the airport, let her. Music, friends, church, lunch dates, coffee time, your bed, your family, your pets are the simple things and are what matters. Freedom to drive, go places and talk to whomever you want ~ Huge! 
When I landed in New Orleans, I couldn't walk fast enough to where my husband was waiting for me at baggage claim. We had never been away from each other that long, nor did we ever have limits on phone time while apart. I ran into his arms and couldn't let go. I cried and cried and we made a bit of a scene in the airport but we didn't care. I was sooo glad to be in his arms. I wanted to get home fast, see my boys and my dog. 
Adjustment to "normal" life was more of a challenge than I thought it would be. I had so much to process and I didn't know where to begin. I took one day at a time, took long walks, continued to color and read, stayed very close to home, and didn't see many people. My outings were short and I got anxious if I was gone from home for too long. Within the week, I jumped back in to therapy with my therapist here at home but that was much needed for me. I was not due back at work for another 2 weeks.

Gonna put the brakes on! Enough sharing for today. Thanks for taking an interest and following my story! It means a lot to me and it's good for me to share. 

Much love,

Stacie